office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
