You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
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First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
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He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
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