Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
