apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
