Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
