Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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