So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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