is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
