..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
