don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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