Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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