I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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