I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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