So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
