I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
She bit a glass in half.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
