Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
