Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
