dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
