y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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