I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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