im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
My cat gives me a boner
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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