Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
