You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
