The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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