My friends, they love my intelligence
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
