so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
