how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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