Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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