Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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