i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
