Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
my being single is dangerous.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
