those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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