its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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