Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
