i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
