Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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