Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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