Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
