We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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