Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
