smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours