after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
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Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
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I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap