you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
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One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
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Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!