Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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