OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word