If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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