and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.