I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation