Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
