you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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