bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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