I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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