My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
So vagazzling was a success
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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