getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
