Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Me. At least after what I've been through.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
