Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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