You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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