You're so nebulous sometimes
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
operation harelip BJ is a go
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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