I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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