I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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