Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
is that a dick in a sweater?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
