Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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