conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
