I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
