feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
