what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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