I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Randomize
