wrigley field is MILF paradise
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
