In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
