Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
