Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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