I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
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I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
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MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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