where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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