i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
