I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
