I'm gonna have a badass scar
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
