i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
