dude i'm inner monologue high
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
