I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Randomize
