I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
